12-21-2012, here we come!

Dear friends, foes, fellows and fleeting passers-by,

Are you prepared for 12/21/2012? As you may have heard, by now, many ancient sources including the Mayan Calendar (which, after centuries of predicting the future, ENDS on that day), biblical references, Nostradamus, the I Ching, The Cheechin Chong, and others, have determined that day to be the end of our time here on the planet. In fact, the planet itself, is considered to be doomed, or potentially so.

I'm very pleased about all that. It means the end of my obsession with collecting crap that I, obviously, will never be able to use. I can now look forward to spending any moneys I may have been required to store away, and not have to worry about the future! I'll actually be able to sleep more soundly with that lump gone from my mattress. Nice!

It will also mean the end, FInally, of Jay Leno's shows! That putz has been annoying America for years with his unfunnyness. HAH! GoodBYE, Jay! GoodBYE, Rap music! GoodBYE, humdrum humor and museless music forEver! Bwahahahahaha!

All those people who've been complaining about pollution as being the end of us will then have to admit they overshot their forebodings! We can now toss out plastic bags like it's going out of style!

I say, let's go on an endangered species feeding binge! Spotted Owl eggs with albino Tiger rolls! Porpoise Pie and Dolphin dumplings for everybody! Pandas roasting over an open Whale bonfire with Jack Terriers nipping on their toes! Yuletide squirrels being hung by the fire and folks dressed up like Eskimos! Hell, let's eat them too!

In fact, I say all indigenous peoples that have been denying us our God-given right to eat anything that flies, crawls, climbs, and scurries around in the Rain-forests, should be tossed into the mix, as well. With those bones in their noses, they've been BEGging to be deboned, and are sure to be a culinary delight! Did I hear someone say, "Natives-in-a-blanket"? Yum!

(The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author)